What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 18:54
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
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Thats was my nicest nick name for him
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
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Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Im still living with it.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Why do some of those who believe in a god refuse to consider the possibility they could be wrong?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My life is so biszare .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
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She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Why do you allow your cat to lie in bed with you?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She found it foreign!.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She was in good health!
What was your embarrassing moment in front of your father-in-law as an Indian daughter-in-law?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Kuorans can you write a sad story about kpop?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Should parents force their kids to go to school when they are sick?
Especially a lifetime of it.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I write beautiful poetry .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I don,t even have a pension.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Why do people procrastinate and how can they stop?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
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Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
One cannot live in the past .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He knew the spot.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But it wasn’t much.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I was very sick at this time too.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
All the time i was locked up.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I said to her
She loved him until the end.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I could never make a relationship work though!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
So, i spoilt her more .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Would this be the day?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Put me off passion for life!!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Why did i forgive my father ?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
It was going to be , some day.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I couldn’t, believe it.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Comes on , in middle age.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We all went to grammer schools
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She wouldn,t have been !
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
What did i know ?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I will be 64.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My family never makes their pension either.
We were not on the streets..
I was 9 years of age.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I waited trembling.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But, we were locked up after school.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Ive learnt so much.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Who then, do I blame.?
I have no regrets .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I think the readers, may guess!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
When she asked me how she looked .
She married twice! .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was scared of men, in general
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was seconnd youngest,
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He resisted the act ,that day.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And i lived it daily.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
This is soul school!.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But ive been too sick for many years..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
So whats the point in blame.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.